The truth is that I want to be a writer. I have great PASSION for it. But for the longest time I was in great denial about it.

In high school there was a big career decision that everyone had to make and my parents set the goal high. So it put me in confusion. I put myself in general studies for the longest of time with no idea on where to go in life. At the current moment I am just stuck in my studies aka not going to school at the moment.

But at the beginning of this year, I thought about myself a lot. Who I am and what I loved, I even thought about my past, my present and future. The outcome of it was that I wanted to write, or should I say continue writing.

During high school, I spent a lot of time writing. Journals and plots for stories were half of what I wrote throughout the whole day. Right after high school though, I was in a slump. I could not even pick up a pencil or look at a piece of paper. I thought I was suffering from writer’s block. Though I did look up writer’s block and found out that what I was going through wasn’t writer’s block. It was the great denial of wanting to write as a career, and having to do better than a writer.

The pressure of doing better was always there. But in the back of my mind, there was writing. All my stories that I wanted to come to life. A world was building in my mind and it was screaming to come alive.

I had asked myself constantly about what I wanted to do. There were days when it was all I thought about, it got to the point where I was even dreaming about it.

The one dream that will always stick with me, as if I had it last night, happened on a pathway. On each side of this pathway were doors. There was this famous Asian singer there, and he was acting as a dream guide. I meet up with him and he questioned my career path. He took me into this pathway and opened up a door. I was in shock to be honest, because there on the floor was a pile of books.

For the longest time when I thought about goals, I kept thinking about publishing a book. That is what I dream of. Publishing a book of mine is my dream goal. No other idea’s pop into my mind when I think of goals. Every time it is to publish a book.

Why? It is not only that I love to write. I love to read. When I was introduced to books, I was an ecstatic elementary child. I could not wait to line up to go to the library to choose a new book to read. The fact that I could borrow books to read amazed me.

I read every chance I could. I remember the pride I had when my family went to the public library and I could point out all the books I had read so far.

There are memories of wanting to keep reading to find out the progression of a character and the story plot, and it kept me up throughout the night until I could not open my eyes anymore. The excitement when the hero wins, or the sadness that engulfed me when a character passed away, there was also the hatred of evil characters. The climax of story that made me squealing or screaming, sitting at the edge of my chair, too scared to keep reading, and the curiosity that kept me reading. I loved it all.

I loved it so much and it made me that much happier. Every time I finished a book, I would sit there and hug the book, and just take a moment of silence. Thinking of all the great times I had with the book. I felt fulfilled.

That was what I wanted to do. Give that great feeling to some child/teenager who loves reading as much as I do. I wanted to give a fantasy to a reader who wanted to go on adventures, the reader who relied on books to get through the day. I wanted to give a way of escape to readers who needed it.

Writing is what I want to do. I have great passion for it. I have to go through steep mountains and deep rivers for it to happen, but I will climb and learn how to swim if I have to.

Finally, I want to go back to school, for a creative writing degree. I am done with fulfilling others dreams. I want to run and catch mine.