I seriously don’t think I deserve friends. I am horrible at making them and even more horrible at keeping them. I am such the awkward turtle that no one even wants to come near me or even bother to talk to me. Surely people cringe at the thought of bringing me into a conversation.

I’m not sure if I was always this way or life messed me up that bad. Back in elementary I remember having friends, and was still shy, but I had friends who I talked to. When I moved, I was shy. But the new girl at school is always shy, right?

There must be something wrong with me. Trying to keep a friendship alive is hard for me. I think since I lost all my childhood friends in the move, I continued to believe that if I moved than that friendship comes to an end too.

I had a friend in the first elementary I went to in Wisconsin. It didn’t last long though, since my family moved house and I was being transferred to another school. We would write letters to each other, but that soon stopped.

Another friend I made during middle school was lost during the transition to high school. I’m not sure if our group of friends were just going in different directions or what, but we moved on from each other. The summer before school started, I was getting more into my culture and my own race. It made me change.

So am I the reason for such a shitty relationship with people. I know I am. While the others tried, I pulled away. There is something wrong with me.

Sad reality is that I am a horrible person. While I don’t trust others, it should be the other way around, others should not trust me. I suck at being a decent human being.