Hard to be Happy

It is hard to be happy.

I should just stop trying.

But there is a reputation to uphold!

Who the fuck cares about a reputation!

But wait, who am I really doing this for?

Why the hell do I even try to be so nice to everybody for?

Oh yea…

Those people who conceived, birthed, and took care of me till now.

They are the only reason why I am still living at home, why I still act nice to our other family members, the only reason why I haven’t fallen back into my deep hole of depression.

But it is so hard…

When they can’t let go of the past.

When they can’t stop caring about how everybody else views them.

It makes it hard for them to be a happy person.

Thus, making it hard for me to be a happy person.

Life Goal: Going Bald/Buzz Cut

Tonight I feel like going crazy. I’ve been thinking about life goals all day. I want to be bald once in my life. I don’t care if I’ll be judged. I don’t care about all the negativity that will be involved after. I just want to live my life the way I want to.

I’ve been considering it since 2012 and now I can’t stop thinking about it. This choice of mine is making me go crazy.

The only thing I’m seeking now is support.

What would people say.. This short Asian girl. Being Bald…