Tag Archives: Gender

Going Bald…

There was an idea behind this. I don’t know what, but it was there. The Christmas before I turned 21, I put into my phone of how I wanted to shave off my hair. On my 21st birthday. I had seven months to really think about it, but I knew I was dead set on this goal.

Yet, when it came to my 21st birthday, I didn’t do it. I went out and did the normal twenty-one year old scenario.

A year passed, and still the thought of shaving my head was floating around. But, as it turns out, it was not going to be the year.

But this year came about. I knew if I wanted to go bald, this was the last chance I was going to get. I had to do it while I was young, before I regretted not doing it sooner.

I got over my depression, I was on the path to figuring out who I am. I was happy.

I got the courage to finally let my sisters on the in about my goals.

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We came to an agreement of baby steps. And not soon after, I went in to get a pixie cut.

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I was happy, but still, the lingering thoughts of being bald bothered me.

After my hair grew out, we thought again about a new haircut. This time, I wanted to go shorter,

It was the day before my birthday and I wanted to go all the way this time. But I was pulled back by my sister again. We cut it short but not all the way.

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Soon after it was like the world was messing with me. My nephew and niece got to the razors and decided to give themselves a haircut. They had to go bald.

I watched the ending of Legend of Korra, and Jinora fulfilled her wishes of becoming a airmaster, getting the chance to go bald,

I was thinking of Doctor Who and remembered that Matt Smith went bald.

So I messaged my sister again.

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After three months of talking about it, I was finally going to get my wish. My sister was agreeing to help me out in my goal.

And finally, after two plus years, I got to fulfill one of my life goals.

My before:

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And, finally, my after…

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Society tell us girls should have long hair. To be a woman, you have to have a head full of hair. To be pretty and wanted, you have to have a long lock of hair. In my culture, a good girl has long hair.

For me to cut my hair, I am going against all reasons.

There is no beauty on the outside unless there is beauty on the inside.

I love myself regardless of how my hair looks. I will love myself through this experience. ‘Cause I will weed out those who still stick with me even though I look different.

(P.S. I am super happy how it turned out. I love how I look and feel. That’s all that should matter. Run and chase your goals, fight for your happiness.)

 

The Way The World Sees Me

I’ve been generalized for my height, ethnicity, and gender. I have all the traits of what our world is constantly at differences with.

There is no lie that I am viewed differently for having black hair, almond eyes, and
different skin texture. I’ve encountered many people in my life where I am
judged first for my looks. I’ve walked the halls of high school with boys
mocking a language that is not my own. I’ve dealt with toddlers asking their
parents why I look the way I look. They don’t even have to ask their parents,
their stare that follows me is enough. I know for sure I am treated differently
at work with certain customers.

With my gender comes my ethnicity. There are always downfalls on how men treat their
women in different cultures. In my culture, if there is a traditional
gathering, women will cook the meals and set the table for the men. Women do
not get to sit with the men though; they set their own table in the kitchens
and eat there. Our chores/life goals are different. We are grown to be the
perfect daughter-in-law, practicing kitchen work since young. Our life goal is
to marry into a good family and birth many children for our husbands.

My height is more of a personal one. I cannot count how many times I get words thrown at me
about my height.

“Do you want to stand up now?”

“Can you even see over that?”

How are people able to live with themselves and say these types of words..

I love my height. I would not be the same person without it.

I noticed that I do seem to write negatively at times. So on a lighter note, I’m going to
write my positive thoughts on these generalizations.

I love being Asian and would not change it any other way. It is my way of being unique in
this plain world. I don’t have many good memories of high school. Although I
wish I did..

One memory I cherish involves a child. I was walking in to the local grocery store to buy
lunch. Walking ahead of me was a couple and their baby. The baby was facing me,
while being held by her father. She looked at me and smiled, giggling the
happiest giggle. I don’t think I ever felt happier. We did eventually go our
separate ways, but it is a memory I don’t plan on forgetting. She was such a
sweet little angel.

I did point out the many ways my culture puts men before women. It is something that should
be fixed. I am glad to hear that in some household, women shares table with men
now. Where there used to be more men dominating the title of Shaman, there is
more women taking that title too now.

Parents do want more for their daughters. It would be great to marry into a good family,
but schooling is more important. They want daughters to do just as well as
their sons.

There isn’t much I can say about my height. The comments are something I am just going to
have to live with. I do live with it. Even though I want to say I am use to
them and they don’t bother me anymore, it would be a lie. Because those
comments still hurt. I try to play it off but it sticks in my mind and I
continue to think about them for a long time afterwards..

Wow, so much for positivity.. I’ll have to try again next time. The memory of others reminding
me of my height is still fresh. (As if I needed a fucking reminder of what I
live with daily…)