Tag Archives: Love

Take Two: Love

From four months ago, a lot has changed. I definitely have a different out take on love. I have seen the bigger picture to the pros and cons of love. That means, even though I have many good thoughts on love now, I still have and gained more insight on how hard love can be.

Each person is different, making each relationship different. There is no comparison with each other. As there is free will in the world, people have different expectations of others and situations.

I have read many books and have seen many films. I have allowed myself to have a crush, which may seem weird but I’ve avoided affections for another person for a long time now.

I can honestly say that the thought of love is in a good place for me. In my prior writing, I did not see it possible for me to find someone worthy of love. But now I am willing to give it a chance.

As I’ve said to myself in the past, even though I am happy being single, if the chance comes by of being in a relationship I wouldn’t pass it up.

Love, it is a four letter word, but it needs more than one lifetime to explain the meaning behind the word.

And although it is difficult to be in love at times, that is the chances a person has got to make when being in love.

In my first writing about love, I mentioned “Eleanor and Park” by Rainbow Rowell. I finished the book with good thoughts on their relationship.

Since then, I’ve come to accept love stories better.

There is an Asian drama, called “Fated To Love You”. A very comedic, romantic and life changing drama. During this drama, I found myself to cry for the first time in a long time. I knew it was going to happen but I didn’t know how much it would effect me.

Never has crying made my eyes hurt in the past. But the morning after, I couldn’t even open my eyes right.

I’ve only started to open up to the possibilities of love. And it may take a while for the whole concept of love to make sense to me, but I am willing to keep going.

First love and love at first sight is still a topic I still have to think about.

Society has fantasied first love to the point of falling in love a second time or third time has become incoherent to others. Love at first sight is such a dream, young people want it for themselves.

But enough of this. I am happy for myself. I have grown up in ways I never thought of doing.

I still may never understand why people give each other such cheesy nicknames, but I can understand why people fight for love and why it’s such a big life change.

 

Pros and Cons of Love

There must be something wrong with me. I can’t read about love the same way I did when I was younger. When I was younger I believed the impossible, and now that I’ve aged I still want to believe it, but I find it to be foolish.

I’m currently reading ‘Eleanor and Park’, by Rainbow Rowell. The book mentions how the kids are learning about ‘Romeo and Juliet’ in class. Ever since then, I can’t help but see Eleanor and Park’s love story as another ‘Romeo and Juliet’.

They are starting to fall in love. Such young love.

Was it because my lack of love lines that made me become immune to love stories?

Did I not get enough love when I was younger that I have become ill when love is mentioned?

First love can be such a strong phrase.

I did enjoy ‘The Fault in our Stars’ by John Green. But I don’t think it was the love story that pulled me in. It was the truth in the story of having cancer and overcoming it to have a normal life.

Love does not make me cry the same way it did in the past. Romance does not make me cry like it used to. There is no bubbly excitement anymore..

Maybe it is because I don’t believe in easy love. Is it really that easy to fall in love?

I rather believe in the love were two individuals find themselves love in the random people and fight for that love.

I want them to question that love. And beyond all the reasons against them, for them to still love each other.

I want big arguments that pull out all the hidden feelings. I want little moments of cuddles and light kisses. I want handholding and quiet walks. I want to be held and assured of the others feelings.

Writing love stories is really hard for me. To overcome this I’m going to have to dig deep.

I am starting to see the irony in this writing. Eleanor and Park is what I want in love. Two random people finding love in each other. Now I just have to keep reading to see how they keep that love.

I am extremely jealous of those who can find love. I see people in love with a deep friendship and I want that for myself.

With love, I am a big contradiction. I love ‘love’, and I want to find love. At times I will wish for love desperately. But most of the time I cannot stand it. I want nothing to do with love and I know I will spend the rest of my life alone. I can never choose and at times mention both wanting love and wanting nobody in the same sentence.

It is like now where I sit at school. With an r&b song blasting at one side and a soulful ballad coming across from the other side. I’m here stuck in the middle, indecisive of which song I like more.

So should I open myself up to the kind of love I want or should I stay in my shell of never falling in love?

I don’t know…

Maybe it is all the stories I see around me. All the relationships around me are not perfect but they work. There are times when I see the good in love and times when I see the bad.

Maybe I should stop worrying about all the relationships around me and worry about me. Who cares what other people see in love. I should worry about how I see love.

I want to see the good in love and I should give myself that right. My yearly goal is to never say negative things. I work hard on that and it really has improved my positivity in life. My half-year goal (just made that up right now!) is to fall in love with love again.

 

Dear CB, My Biggest Regret In Life

Dear CB,

We haven’t seen each other in a long time. When we finally did bump in to each other, I was in shock, I was unstable. I was scared and was shaking in fear.

Life for me at the moment is going good. So when you popped back up, it made me remember. I do have regrets in life. Life was teasing me, shaking something in front of my face, telling me that I had missed opportunities.

You are the biggest regret in my life. I regretted not ever knowing what your favorite color is. Who your role models are, what your dreams and goals are in life. I regret not knowing who your favorite actress and singer is so that I could get jealous over it.

Back in my school years, I did not have the best of knowledge about boys. I thought I did, but I didn’t. In my younger days, I was traumatized from experiences I had with boys. I was teased by boys since elementary. Ever since then, I never knew if boys were teasing me or trying to give me hints.

I believe that you changed everything for me. It was from you that I opened up my eyes and realized that people might actually like me. The first boy to learn how to say ‘I love you’ in my native language. The first boy to offer me anything from the dollar menu from McDonalds. The first boy to flirt with me.

But I was so stupid. My choices made without thought. I was so caught up in the actions around me. Believing that I may end up like everyone else. So I gave you a bullshit answer on why we couldn’t go out. It was the biggest regret of my life.

I know better now. Even though I am scared to get hurt, the hurt would be worth it for all the beautiful memories. In the end, I should never compare my life to others. I am my own person, who can do things to change an outcome if I wish. I wish I could have the courage to find you and tell you this, but I may just be another girl to you now…

There is nothing else but wishes of happiness for you. I hope you find the one who will give you everything you could ever expect. I hope you have the best of your life, because after everything I put you through, you deserve it.

Sincerely, LY